Power shopping for college is a drag

6.-Stanford-University1PALO ALTO — Sunday night Celine, my wife Abs and I enjoyed a relaxing conversation on an outdoor patio at the Stanford Garden Hotel with new friends.

It is the first time we got to relax during a grueling four day power shopping expedition at Kohl’s, Bed, Bath and Beyond, Wal-Mart and Target as we prepare to move Celine into her Stanford University dorm room Tuesday morning.

I have yet to mourn Celine’s departure. I’m a guy that does not mind shopping but I don’t want to step foot inside a store for quite a while, especially after getting slapped in the face at the Wal-Mart check out line by somebody’s body odor that was strong enough to halt a charging elephant.

Don’t people shower?

I will say this. Northern California people sure are nice. We spent five hours in Wal-Mart and only saw one gun battle and that is when Abs pulled a pistol on me for being bad. It is nice here but I’m not really feeling this area.

I’m used to gritty college towns with dive bars named The Dirty Noodle or the Funky Penguin. This place is so upscale and different. We shared a table at Whole Foods for dinner with a guy who complained that the Earth’s magnetic pull was messing with his balance and ability to drive.

I do not know how I avoided breaking out into a loud laugh in front of this guy. I guess I am nice sometimes.

We did have a little fun Sunday, driving to San Francisco’s North Beach and going to a restaurant called The Stinking Rose, which puts garlic in every dish which includes its ice cream.

Then we got lost trying to shop again.

It’s time to stop shopping and finally move the girl in. I finally look forward to seeing campus and looking for a dive called The Funky Chicken or the Wounded Duck.

 

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