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I want a non talking dog

doggieI want a dog.

There is one problem. My wife Abs has dog nose. And its scary.

She can smell everything. And the smell of a dog is so intense that it bothers her. For instance she can walk in a house and immediately tell if a dog or cat lives there with one sniff.

One evening we sat at a red light. She turned to me and asked if I’d been smoking in the car. She smelled smoke. I reminder her that I don’t smoke.

Our windows were rolled up. The windows of the car next to us were rolled up, but the driver was smoking. She could smell it. That’s a little scary.

A few weeks ago there was a little melting on the dog issue. She said I might be able to get one if I took care of it.

I don’t know what kind of dog I want. I just want a dog that is friendly, wags its tail and licks your face. I want a dog that doesn’t shit and piss all over the house.

I’ve only had one dog my entire life — a French poodle named Bo Bo when I was a kid. We never cut the dogs hair so it never got that French poodle look. Nobody knew what kind of dog it was and they called me a liar when I said it was a French poodle.

One more thing. The dog can’t talk. I hate talking dogs on commercials. The talking dog on the Bush’s bean commercial drives me crazy. I hate that dog.

I hate dogs that sing, rap. I hate dogs trying to sell you something.

One day I was playing with Bo Bo and he said: “Je m’appelle Bo Bo.”

I was shocked. “Bo Bo did you just talk?”

“No monsieur,” he said.

I got rid of the dog. Not because he talked.

I don’t like liars.

 

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Published by terryfoster8

I am a 58 year old retired sports journalist, husband and father of two living outside of Detroit in search of his next big adventure in life.

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