David Anthony Gant was my best friend growing up on Detroit’s near west side.
However, nobody in our neighborhood knew his real name. His was Big Mac.
I give out nicknames like candy to people that I like. Big Mac used to be called Tony until I came along. He earned his nickname Big Mac because he was a big boy. And on Saturday’s we used to walk three miles to our nearest McDonald’s for lunch. One week he paid for our meals. I grabbed the tab the following week. On one of my weeks to pay he went all out ordering two large orders of fries, a chocolate shake and a Coke to go along with his three Big Macs.
He downed his meal with ease, thus earning the name Big Mac.
Over the years I’ve married, dated or liked Abs, Lil Scoop, Stinky, Cake, Blue, Thick and Juicy and Momma Cocoa.
My current wife is Abs. Her maiden name was Adrienne Bonner. And I made a little tune that carried the lyrics Adrienne Bonner is Sweet. Abs. I also call her Abby, Momma Cocoa, Coke and Mon Quinn, which is silly talk for My queen.
I grew up next to The Magical Strombini. My cousin Miss Boots married Zero Ziccerelli and I once did a radio show with Fibber McNasty.
My children are Stooler and Buddy Monroe. Sometimes they are X and Slats.
Everybody calls Detroit News sports columnist Bob Wojnowski, Wojo. I call him Bibs because I read that the Michelin Tire Man’s name was Bibendum or Bibelubis. I live next to a woman named Nurse who has three daughter’s named Dannie Duke, Molly Mole Tree and Julie McGillicutty.
There is Lippy the Party Girl. Jack of all trades radio personality Marti Martin is The Matrix and Detroit News Tigers beat writer Chris McCoskey is Chopper.
After making love to a woman as a youth I woke up to find her holding a baseball bat, saying if I ever got out of hand she was going to used that bat on me. I quickly broke up, named her Bat Shit and got the hell out of Dodge before I became Bat Man.
I’m even responsible for Robert “Tractor” Traylor, a name I gave the late University of Michigan and NBA star when he was a prep player at Detroit Murray Wright.
Sometimes I venture up to Central Michigan University and hang with my CM Life pals Gibby, Mickey Finn, Hannibal Hayes and Flame Thrower.
My nickname growing up was Cookie because my face looked like one of those giant sugar cookies people enjoyed in the mall.
One of my best friend in the media was Boodini, AKA as Drew Sharp. When we worked at the Free Press together we used to argue. And he was always wrong. But he had a magical run where every Drew prediction came true. For instance he would say the Tigers were going to win five games that week and three of the games would be by 3-1 scores.
Lo and behold, the Tigers would win five games that week and three of them were by 3-1 scores.
I combined the names of famed magician Harry Houdini and Muhammad Ali corner man Drew Bundini Brown and came up with Boodini. It stuck and he even referred to himself as Boodini in his football picks column.
Do not be offended if I forget your name should we meet. It means I am trying to think of a better name for you on the fly.